this is a joke

no.

I want a boyfriend who will sit around and do nothing with me. Who will talk silly/cute pictures with me when we are bored or just when we want to. Who will tease the shit out of me and make fun of me, but as soon as I pretend to start getting angry and walk away, he’d run after me, tackle me, and tell me he loves me. Who will teach me how to do the things he can do that I can’t, like play guitar and skateboard. Who will watch kiddie movies or any movies with me over Skype if we can’t have a movie night. Who will give me goofy presents and ask me to marry him with a ring pop. Who will go on day trips with me just so we can say we’ve been to those places. Who will surprise me with ice cream when I’m sad. Who will text me when we are sitting next to each other, just to say hey. Who will stay on the phone with me when I’m scared of a storm. Who will walk through rain and snow to see me if he promised. Who will let me cook dinner once, and never let me do it again because he cooks better. Who will make a bear at Build-a-bear with me, just to call it our kid. Who isn’t afraid to tell anyone and everyone that he loves me. Who isn’t mushy all the time. Who will make bets with me. Who will never let me win on purpose. Who will push me into the pool when I think we are just taking a nice walk, but jumps in after me to say sorry through laughter. Who will argue with me about sports because we have different favorite teams. Who will go to midnight showings with me of movies, even if he hates the series. Who will hate when I get all dressed up and tell me to go change into a t-shirt and basketball shorts. Who never lets me wear makeup because he thinks I’m perfect just the way I am. Who protects me. Who just holds me when I cry and tells me it’s going to be fine. Who will laugh at me when I do something silly and then does something too. Who will bake a cake with me and have no frosting for it because we plastered each other and the whole kitchen with it in a war. Who will take me to concerts. Who will have a life other than with me, but still is the same person. Who will call me in the morning to wake me up. Who won’t keep tabs on me all the time, because he trusts me. Who will be my best friend and my boyfriend. Who would never lie to me and if he did, he would say sorry. Who would embarrass me in public by saying/doing crazy things. Who would watch the sunrise with me without me asking. Who would let me sleep at his house if I was tired instead of going out that day. Who wouldn’t be ashamed of me and take me to meet his friends. Who would take care of me when I’m sick and carry me when I’m too tired to walk. Who wouldn’t make me promises unless he knew he was going to keep them. I want a boyfriend who loves me and means it.